What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
