Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
