and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
There r osticjed everywhere
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
