I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
