This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Randomize
