The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Randomize