Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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