I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
