we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
