what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
