so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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