Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
