People in love make me want to vomit
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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