Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
