worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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