What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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