you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Sober January is a disaster.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
