Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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