He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
