That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
