the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
