FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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