Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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