some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
