Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
