Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
