Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
