Having a random hookup so left but love u
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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