Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
false alarm, still single
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
