Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
