I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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