You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
