its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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