You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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