I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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