ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
