Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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