Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
