I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
