38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
