It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just invented taco cereal.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
