grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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