It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i wish my penis had a tongue
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
