dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
