I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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