im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
