you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
