i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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