youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
