I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize