Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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