he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
don't judge my taste in strippers
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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