Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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