I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
