don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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