i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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