It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
