Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just high enough for therapy.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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