Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
