I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
