Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
