I'm going to jail i love you
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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