Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
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Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
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She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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