So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Watching her eat just hurts me
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
