My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
