Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
