Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
