Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
