woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
