you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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