My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
