You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Where is the hickey?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
