If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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