Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
