well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
