If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
