the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
