i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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