So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
