I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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