So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
