I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
