I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
