I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
