Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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