I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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