Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
