I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
