its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
